Celebrate the Relationships that Make Your Writing Possible
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When you're throwing yourself into your writing work, and putting every little bit of your brain and heart into it, you can get a little... how shall we say... self focused.
To an extent, that's a really good thing.
I will always champion self-care and self-awareness and grace and rest and all those things. You're the one most able to monitor how you're doing, how you're handling stress, and if your imagination needs some oomph. You have to pay attention to how you're doing.
But it's easy to let this self-focus thing get out of hand. Right?
It's ghastly to say it out loud, but after too many days of manipulating fictitious events, I can start thinking that I'm the creative genius at the center of the universe.
That's not a habit I want to develop.
And if you've ever met anyone with a runaway ego, you know how ugly this can get.
We can all see how disgusting it is when someone forgets how many people have helped them, supported them, sacrificed for them.
Yikes. But it's a cautionary tale for us writers.
Because it is so easy to get caught up in our work.
It's ultra absorbing, making worlds out of our brains! It's easy to take for granted the people we rely on--whether they're helping our households run more smoothly, or dishing out emotional encouragement, or helping us financially.
It's so easy to forget what other people are doing for us.
If you are fortunate enough to have a person, or a few people, or--let's dream big--a whole tribe who thinks that what you're doing is Okay, and who support you in any way--
Then how about celebrating them this weekend?
Whether with gifts and flowers, or a long coffee date that is not about all your writing dilemmas, or maybe some good old-fashioned public acknowledgement of everything that they've done to help you. Of what you owe them.
Thank them out loud.
Sound good?
Here, I'll go first.
I know it's cliché to say that my mom is my number one fan, but, well...
My mom is my number one fan.
I'm super fortunate in that the rest of my family is awesome and extremely supportive as well. But my mom is the person who actually modeled writing for me.
For as long as I can remember, she had a writing desk with story ideas posted above it, as well as a growing collection of books about how to write. She talked about her stories, her characters, and her work, which taught me that this writing thing was Normal and Okay to do.
She always encouraged my sisters and me to read, helping us haul our library loot home and back again. She read out loud to us at night. She made up stories on the spot when we were bored.
She gave me spiral notebooks and story prompts when I was in second grade, she read my first attempts at poetry (eek!!) when I was in fifth, she was one of my first readers of my honors thesis in college, and she's the first one I'll let read my ramshackle rough drafts now.
We share books, tips, conferences, and anything we're thinking through. We talk about process and structure; we share writerly woes and writerly joys.
We're in this together.
I literally can't imagine what my writing journey would look like without her. Especially without her saying, from day one:
You can do this. You are a writer.
Being a writer is a GOOD thing to be.
And also, you always double the amount of chocolate chips in a recipe.
We add books and words (and maybe chocolate) to the difficult places in our lives.
So clearly, I owe her a lot. And I'm realizing that I don't say that enough, out loud.
It's her birthday this weekend, which is partly why I've been thinking about how much she's inspired me and how much I still depend on her encouragement.
And how I'd probably not be sane trying to write without her.
Who is that person for you? Who is it who gave you encouragement during a hard time, or who modeled reading or writing for you, or who believed in you early on?
Let's be bold in our appreciation. Let's celebrate the people who have supported us.
I'll be making my number one fan a cake this weekend. How about you?
